Urgh, hang the dj. Is he going for the easy pink or the tight brown? Not sure which pond newbie left these semi-soiled pants hanging on the hand-dryer in the boys bogs at a drunken Spratley’s gig in Brighton recently.

Can anybody shine a light on their previous owner? The only clues include a sweaty mass of curly ginger and black head-pubes and some blue chalk. Any takers?